iFAQ

inFrequently Asked Questions
...because no one has actually sent me an email with a question, and if they ever did, I don't think they would ask these questions.

I'm dying to know where you get your lip color. Will you tell us where you sourced your gloss/stain/lipstick?

I debated whether or not to reveal this secret, because I kind of think my lips are like my signature body part, and giving away the recipe would be like giving away nuclear launch codes. But I love you, dear reader, so here's the secret to my perfect pout: Blistex Medicated Lip Balm. My husband always has a tube in his pocket, and I borrow it when I'm feeling chapped. If he's not around, I lick my lips. Both these methods preserve my natural, pale puce lip shade. (Be sure to stock up on the lip balm using the above affiliate link so my well-moisturized lips can start earning their keep. If you buy 38 tubes I will earn enough to buy myself a large waffle fry at Chick-fil-A.)

Where did you get that ratty, pit-stained t-shirt you were wearing here? I'm dying for one!

It's a limited edition BYUSA propaganda t-shirt. I got at this little boutique called "A Box on a Table in the Wilkinson Student Center." So exclusive, I know ... sorry(notsorry)!

What camera do you use? Your pictures are so mediocre, and I'd really love to get the same effect on my blog. And did you take any classes or read any books to learn how to be kind of lame at taking pictures? Thanks!

 Most of the pictures on the blog are stolen from the internet, so I can't take any credit for their mediocrity. Lately, though, I've tried to avoid taking random pictures from the interwebs because I read a scary story about a blogger getting kidnapped and tied to a pipe and tortured because she'd used someone else's photo on her blog (and it was only a picture of a turtle wearing some super-cute moccasins!). Or maybe she just got sued for using a picture of a boat, I can't remember. Either way, the pictures that are mine were either taken with my super-defunct HP point-and-shoot (which I stopped using in solidarity with my dad after HP laid him off ... also because the camera was laaame), or else a Panasonic Lumix point-and-shoot (either the original nice one that I lost on an airplane, or the cheap replacement I bought afterwards), or most recently, my iphone. I am entirely self-taught, except for a high school photography class I totally slacked in, and some brief tutelage from my retired-photographer mother when she helped me with a photography project in middle school. I retained almost nothing from both those sources, except the advice to keep the sun at your back when you're photogging.

*Ferreals, though, I'm scared of my photo-theft victims coming for my blood. I'm slowly going through and replacing the stolen merchandise with legal pixels. If you see one of your pictures on my blog, please send me an email and I will take it down and send you some cinnamon rolls, an apology note, and an original Crayon artwork from our in-house Picasso: Graham. Please don't sue me.

Is your life really so average, boring, and normalish? I look at your blog and start to compare my life to yours, and I start to feel bad ... not because my life is less Pinterest-worthy than yours, but because everything in your house obviously came from Walmart or Craigslist, and your kids' clothes are always a little bit dirty, and you only eat out at Chick-fil-A.

Yes, but I'll have you know that my dining table is secondhand IKEA, thank you very much. Also, my children are cuter than yours, so don't feel too badly for me.

Why is your blog called Poodle Writes?

Guess.

Middle school was hard.

I'm planning a trip to Houston. What should I do?

Why are you coming to Houston? Are you planning on getting lost on your way to another city that doesn't have the climate of Satan's armpit? But really, Houston isn't so bad. I have no idea what to do here, though. What you shouldn't do is expect delicious BBQ. It's all smoked and therefore dry and weird. Biggest disappointment of my life (after Romney).

2 comments:

  1. I NEVER taught you to keep the sun at your back - it makes all your subjects squint. If you have subjects. And on to another subject - I must say, that photo of your hair has excellent natural light qualities...

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  2. I love this idea! I am always dying to answer the many iFAQs in my life. Don't people want to know my detailed and passionate opinions on relatively meaningless subjects???

    Your lip stain inspires me, and I find your taste in interior design impeccable.

    ReplyDelete

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