Wednesday, June 26, 2013

5 Ingredients to Help You Feel Like You're a Witch in the Kitchen

Cooking is so much more interesting when I think of myself as a culinary witch, brewing up deliciousness. I especially feel this way when I'm using my biggest black pot, or when I'm using any of the ingredients listed below.

1. Bay leaves. Or call them "leaves of bay" because I think that way they'd rhyme better in an incantation. Ex: "Beans of garbanzo, leaves of bay! Let this drought, your fortunes sway!" It's so fun to add an entire leaf to a recipe.

Leaves of bay.

2. Fish sauce. Because it smells like death but makes your Thai dishes taste amazing. Black magic has to be involved. It's made by fermenting anchovies in the blood of small Thai children. Or something like that.

3. Star Red Wine Vinegar.

Because the bottle makes me feel like this:

4. Blackstrap Molasses. This tarry potion is delicious, but it just looks sinister. The magic factor is substantially increased with the brand I currently have, Brer Rabbit (pictured below), because having an anthropomorphic rabbit as your mascot is a sure sign of witchcraft. (Fun fact: the antonym of "mascot" is "hex.")

It also reminds me of a scene from the most disturbing movie I've ever seen, Spirited Away. Watch at your own risk. There are two types of people in this world: those who loved this movie, and those who have a normal relationship with reality. And disclaimer: the clip below devolves into some weird edited youtube version, but you get the horrific idea.

5. Ginger Root. I love the taste of ginger, but it looks like a nightmare wrapped in mummy bandages. If I were really a witch I'd call it something more exotic like "dragon knuckle." "Knuckle of dragon" also has a nice ring to it, but per the bay leaf argument above, "dragon knuckle" has better rhyming potential: ie "To your brew add two parts dragon knuckle, then stir in the feet of a sow and the piglet she suckled." This is too much fun.

What kitchen tools or ingredients make you feel supernatural?


  1. I agree with your fish sauce description, it stinks. Who comes up with this stuff and decides that it is edible? Like the coffee that has to go through a civet to taste good.
    Sesame oil is my fave. I love it in the Applebee's Oriental Chicken Salad dressing.

  2. Love it! And I love cooking with ginger, perhaps because of it's mummy-like qualities!

  3. One word only: PENZEYS


  4. This is the most hilarious post! I LOVE the idea of feeling like Ursula when using certain types of bottles! You've made my afternoon!


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