Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Unexpected Benefits of Being Pregnant

As I draw near to the end of this pregnancy, I have been reflecting on the positive side of these nine months. Of course there are the obvious benefits like getting to park in the expectant mother stall at Kroger or being able to count my ice cream ration as my "calcium supplement" ... but there have also been a few surprising pros that I didn't notice the first time around.


Benefit: first in line for the awesome food at your baby shower.

1. I know what the bottom of my belly button looks like. Don't deny that you've always wondered if you truly knew the depths of your navel--what was down there, whether it was alive or not, whether it was connected to some vital organ on the other side that you might damage if you probed with too much ambition. Now I know the secrets of the belly button. I can live there happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying, feel free to visit.

2. No post-feast belly-bulge guilt. You know when you eat too much and it seems like the best idea in the world is unbuttoning your pants? Or else you are semi-consciously trying to "suck it in" to avoid looking like you are preggo? Guess what ... this all changes when you are actually pregnant! No more unbuttoning your pants because .... you are already wearing God's gift to pregnant women: stretchy pants! And there is no pressure to maintain a flat-bellied facade because everyone knows there's a baby in there ... perfectly able to camouflage the additional burrito baby you just ingested. Nom nom nom.

Dress slacks or stretchy pants? STRETCHY PANTS!!

3. You don't have to stand up during the rest hymn at church. Uh ... REST hymn. I really hate standing up to sing. I hated doing the Primary program every year for this reason. Up and down, up and down, up and down--INSANITY. These days, the exuberance of the chorister as she beckons the congregation to stand makes me surly. I know, I am a sinner ... but when you are pregnant you have a get-out-of-standing-free card. Brandish it shamelessly and keep your tush on the pew with pride.

What surprise bonuses have you experienced during pregnancy?

4 comments:

  1. See now I wish I hadn't stood up. I didn't know I had a free pass.... especially in those older buildings where th pews are so close together you CANT stand up without holding on to the back of the pew in front of you and leaning back on your heels.

    My fab perk of pregnancy was all I had to do was sigh in a bathroom line and I was immediately ushered to the front by some sweet old lady who would glare at any one who protested :)

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  2. My favorite pregnancy perk was being allowed to eat whenever I wanted. Sitting in Relief Society, pull out a granola bar. At the grocery store, eat in line. And it was totally okay. Because everyone knew that you were growing someone else and you needed to eat every 10 minutes.

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  3. you guys have to stand during your rest hymn every week?

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  4. I agree with all three. My favorite "pass" during pregnancy was for cleaning the bathroom. Bowman took over scrubbing the shower so I wouldn't expose our fetus to the fumes (his idea). So gallant to sacrifice his own lungs and brain cells to spare the rising generation. :)

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