Tuesday, December 18, 2012

When Your Toddler is Sick: Pros and Cons

 Guys, having a sick toddler is horrible, for a multitude of reasons:

His last major illness ... guess what the towel is for.

1. It's sad that he's so sad and uncomfortable (motherly sympathy).

2. Cranky toddler=the marathon of motherhood. A marathon where the path is littered with broken glass and puddles of bodily fluids.

3. Despite my tv-free philosophy, I have resorted to the one Disney movie I own in an attempt to distract Graham from his pain. We have watched The Little Mermaid seven eight times at this writing. I can only hope he isn't picking up all the cringe-worthy messages that movie forces upon young minds. I was going to give a few examples of those horrible messages but I can't stop at just a few so I'll let you guess why I hate it (disclaimer: I do know all the song lyrics and love the chef/crab fight scene). Flotsam! Jetsam! (Most recent thought on this movie: If Ariel is okay with interspecies romances, why doesn't she give Flounder a chance?)

"And when I grow up am sixteen I'm going to abandon my people; embark on a wordless, witchcraft-fueled romance; jeopardize the safety of the sea kingdom; and get married! What about you, Flounder? What are your dreams?"

But there is a silver lining to this saliva- and tear-covered cloud:

1. Cuddly toddlers are great. If only their breath didn't smell so bad ... curse you, gingivostomatitis.

2. An excuse to rediscover the glory of Sesame Street via sesamestreet.org videos. Though I have noticed that a lot of the song lyrics are not so clever. And the celebrity guests are awkwardly enthusiastic. And I hate a lot of the new age-y muppets (who is this little fairy tart, Abby??) And why did they get rid of the awesome, animated, talking ball of clay? 

3. While at the grocery store stocking up on ice cream, apple juice, and yogurt, you can stop by the sushi counter and get yourself a freshly-made spicy California roll guilt-free--because you've been dealing with a sick baby for five days--you deserve it! You can also get yourself a three-pack of your favorite Burt's Bee's lip stuff because, hello, it was three for the price of two and you know your husband wouldn't realize that this is a perfect stocking stuffer.

4. When your baby rejects the chocolate milkshake you made him, you get to eat it. Because: Hey! Unclaimed milkshake! Jackpot.

5. If you ask your husband to pick pizza up on his way home from work because heaven knows you aren't making dinner, he'll probably want some chocolate dunkers to go with it ...

Hershey's + Pizza Hut bread sticks = sickly delicious.

Ok, so most of the benefits are food-related. Give me a break, I'm pregnant. But seriously, what kid turns down a milkshake?? What have I raised?


  1. Give him NOGG!! If THAT doesn't work, nothing will!
    And those bread dippper thingies? I need to order pizza out more often!
    So where did you GET that one Disney Movie? Did you dig it out MY trash?
    And you should watch Brave, even if JUST for watching her HAIR moving around the whole movie. Forget the plot.

  2. Robin Hood is one of my favorite Disney movies for kids. Silly (not scary or evil) bad guys and a message and humor that I generally like. Good luck! Hope Graham recovers soon!


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