Thursday, September 6, 2012

MasterChefMomNinjaHostessIdolWife Wars

I watch this great cooking competition show called MasterChef. Unfortunately, the couple of times I've fangirled in public about it, no one knows what I'm talking about. It's kind of a mix between Chopped/Hell's Kitchen/Iron Chef. It's an amateur/home cook competition, which I like because there isn't nearly as much melodrama as other reality shows because these are just regular people who love to cook (of course there are a few dorks included but they never win). And the dishes are more accessible to someone like me, whose favorite dessert list includes a home-invented concoction of pudding from a box over cheap ice cream. I feel like I can relate to the regular joe contestants ... at least until the last few episodes when the carefully braised and seasoned wheat emerges from the freezer-aisle chaff and they start making jello with vegetables in it and not in a "get your kids to eat veggies" way. Gross.

Screen shot from the last episode ... notice the travesty that is carrot and asparagus jello.

Then today, as I was trying to prepare lunch for my sick, screaming, snotty child, I had a brilliant idea for a new reality cooking show: MasterChefMomNinjaHostessIdolWife Wars.

Here's the premise:

Contestants are faced with challenges typical of cooking competitions ... BUT then you add children to the mix! They have to make a culinary masterpiece for the judges while a grundle of toddlers clings to their legs, begging to be picked up. To add some variety, there could be different "types" of children assigned to each contestant at random. Also, the "motive" of the dish could be variable, ie "dinner party," "romantic dinner," "dessert for a vegan," etc.

Mad little sous chef.

So you could get paired up with a helpful yet overzealous ADHD eight-year-old and be tasked with preparing a sushi platter, or you could get stuck with the surly, emo teenaged boy who actually has a deeply-secreted passion for food, and you bond over your shared love and he blossoms under your tutelage as you work together in culinary harmony to compose the most moving chili trio the judges have ever tasted. He goes on to own his own restaurant and names a mocktail after you.

"High-maintenance toddler" and "breakfast for a queen"

I would watch this show. It would be a true feat of multitasking, especially for those unlucky enough to pull "18-month-old twins with separation anxiety" and "venison risotto" from the hat.


  1. hey...I watch Master Chef! That blind lady is amazing! I wonder if I blindfold myself and make dinner tonight I can become a Master Chef?
    I like your idea...but it's too 'real' to life and that's not really what reality shows are about.

  2. Haha! I'd definitely watch that show!!

  3. I love Master Chef too! You should pitch your show idea to the producers of Master Chef.

  4. Krista is in a class at school called Ambrosia where she is learning legit kitchen skills. She gets to wear a hat and chef coat and work in the restaurant that the kids run for the teachers in the school. She learned how to butcher a chicken today, but sadly, there were no snotty toddlers to spice things up.


  5. Is that little Grammykins? Not being a wonder-child? Oh, that little Toot. I guess you can't just put him in a pot anymore...
    I think the show would be awesome!

  6. I like this! I am going to pretend I'm on a reality show from now on. "A potty-training two-year-old with a curious younger sibling" and "food that's actually fit for consumption (desserts do not count)"

  7. haha! I think I'm ready for the challenge, Kimber, because upon first glance (and even further study) of the episode graphic included in the post, I was convinced that there was a Gerber yogurt melt snack on the plate. What do these children do to us?? Oh, wow. :)

  8. Loved watching cooking shows like that and such an odd but kind of cool at the same idea of the veggie jello! don't have kids, but maybe it will work on my husband?!


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