Tuesday, August 28, 2012

On San Pellegrino and Soybeans

I'm sorry, world, but there will never come a time when I can drink sparkling mineral water without feeling ironic in my poserism. Do you know when I drink sparkling water? When I accidentally push the soda lever instead of the water lever at Smashburger. It's disgusting.

I know I'm not posh, and my lack of taste for sparkling water reveals this. My version of classy water comes from my PUR filter pitcher, gently cooled by ice from my automatic maker (I was a tray cube girl until moving into this house--I'm moving up in the world).

Yes, please.

Forgive me if I don't want to pay $2 for 750 ml (too good for ounces, I see) of San Pellegrino. Those two bucks can get me so many other more-awesome things like 1) a week of Netflix, 2) a 2L of A&W--a beverage for real people, 3) 57% of a Sprinkles cupcake (ack! So expensive ... at least a Sprinkles cupcake is a delicious overpriced food item), or 4) a new song from iTunes. Or maybe I could gag down a glass of fizzy water and set my $2 bill on fire.

If I washed my hair with this would my curls come back?

Speaking of posh food ... I had edamame for the first time this weekend. I was at a get-together with some ladies from church, and there was a little buffet of food on the kitchen island. There were cookies, brownies, watermelon, and two bowls of what looked like withered, hairy green beans. I avoided the beans because they scared me.

Goo. (source)

I ate my cookies and brownies, eying the mutant beans with suspicion. Then I mustered enough courage to try them. I took a few from one of the bowls. First I tested one with my teeth, expecting the crisp snap like when you bite into a pea pod. Instead it was like biting a hairy piece of leather. I abandoned that idea, and then inspected the interior of the pod, wondering if I was just supposed to eat the peas or whatever they were from inside. It was empty. Awkward. Who serves defective beans? And in two bowls? ................ Then I realized I'd chosen my beans from the "discard bowl" where empty pods had been thrown. Edamame fail.

So I discretely took some non-empty pods from the other bowl, snapping them open to find green, plump little beans. They were delicious.

Kimber: What are these?

Other guest: Edamame.

Kimber: Ooooh, soybeans, right?

Other guest: Well, yeah, but not really. They're edamame.

Because soybeans are symbols of Frankenstein agriculture, emasculating phytoestrogens, and culinary weirdness, we call it edamame instead of what it is: boiled soybeans. It's pronounced Ed-uh-mom-ay, in case you're like me and thought it was Ed-uh-mame for a while ... ahem. Apparently it means "twig bean" in Japanese.

Say edamame. Doesn't it sound cool? Pretty much all Japanese words sound cool, because you're pretty much speaking ninja. Except guess what the Japanese word for chocolate cake is? Chokoreto cakey (listen to it here). They just Japanified the English word. Love it. Love edamame. Hate sparkling water.

When they start corking root beer, I'm buying this little "Hootch Owl." Cutest thing ever.
What yuppy food do you hate? What do you buy at Walmart instead?


  1. I see you chose to end this blog with a question.

  2. Well, I will answer said question: Greek yogurt. Kosher salt. Caprese salad/kabobs/sandwiches/pizza/etc. Pinterest is flooded with recipes using these and I am inexplicably annoyed by them all!

    P.S. I still remember you and Amanda mocking me while I practiced my Japanese speech because included the word, "choko-chipu." It's legit Japanese!


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