Monday, June 25, 2012

On Peeing in the Bishop's Pool

I haven't blogged since moving to Texas, so I suppose I should give an update on our life ... but instead I'm going to write about something controversial: peeing in the pool.

Backyard oasis? Or playgroup toilet?

I was with Graham at a ward play group held at the bishop's pool. My friend Molly, who is several months pregnant, said (in the pool) that she had to pee but she hated going all the way back to the house in a soaking wet swimsuit etc. etc.--we all know we hate it.

Other girl: "Just go in the pool, Molly! Come on!"

Me: (thinking--oh my heck FINALLY someone who is rational about this and not insanely grossed out about peeing in a 10,000 gallon pool that is constantly filtered and chlorinated within an inch of all our lives) "Seriously, Molly, you know how many thousands of gallons of water are in this pool? It's not that gross--"

Other girl: "... I was just kidding."

Awkward. Because I was not kidding. I've been in the ward less than two months and already revealed myself to be that mom who not only probably lets her kids pee in pools but might actually pee in them herself.

In my defense:

1) I haven't ever peed in the bishop's pool. Just to make that clear.

2) All the kiddos there in swim diapers have most likely peed in the bishop's pool. Swim diapers are only meant to contain ... solids ... to use a wonderful euphemism. Did you really think swim diapers are meant to contain liquids? A swim diaper that effective would require a lot of shrink wrap, I think. Anyway, so there is child pee in the pool--yet we all still swim comfortably. Are we just not acknowledging what we all really know, deep inside? That we are swimming in baby pee?


3) If I ever did pee in the pool ... here are some numbers to put it in perspective:

Let's be generous with our estimations and say I would pee 1 cup. And let's assume I have like-minded friends who are also peeing a cup each. So let's say 5 cups total of urine end up in the pool every day, all summer long~three months. That's roughly 450 cups of pee, or a little over 28 gallons of pee by the end of summer.

Your typical backyard swimming pool: 10,000 gallons. That makes the total pee composition .28%. That's small. That's not even three out of a thousand. And that's not even taking the pool's filtration into account.

4) Pee is mostly (95%+) water (making total non-water pee material .014% of the pool), and "typically sterile" (Wikipedia.com). Just ask Bear Grylls.


5) I do pee in the shower. It saves time and water, and google just told me that some consider it a treatment for athlete's foot. If you don't pee in the shower, or if you judge me for doing so, go get off your throne (pun intended-ha!) and roll in the dirt somewhere because you need to start desensitizing yourself away from your hygiene issues.

If you are totally pee-phobic, you should note that the new For the Strength of Youth pamphlet says nothing about needing to wear a one-piece, so you can wear your more toilet-accessible tankini without feeling like an edgy Jack Mormon. But if you are wearing a bikini then you are an edgy Jack Mormon and I judge you.

6 comments:

  1. My name is Rebecca, and I have peed in a pool. I also pee in the shower. I have also peed my bed as a pregnant adult. I have also been peed on by my sister.

    It is time we bring this so called peephobia to the fore front of society and demand its eradication. I was born to pee. I am a pee-er, and I refuse to be in the shadows and the fringes any longer.

    auntie

    ReplyDelete
  2. ha ha...i'm laughing...but i know you are completely serious. i just can't pee in a pool..as much as i would like to sometimes, it's like trying to pee in a bedpan when the nurse is behind the curtained bed waiting for you..."are you done yet"'? and i reply "give me some privacy, man, i can't do this while people are breathing right behind me!"

    so i risk bladder infections and anxiety hoping i can make it to the house...or at least the closest, private, bush.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At first I read or at least the closet, private, bush and I thought well I guess a closet is private although totally gross :)

      Delete
  3. Oh, the controversy! Urine and tankinis!

    I feel like I should make this anonymous, but like your aunt, I'm going to just put it out there. I have peed in the pool. (In light of the girls camp incident, this may not come as a surprise...) Your figures make me feel so validated! I'm going to memorize them so I can defend myself in any future situations with pee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am SHOCKED that you are a pool-pee-er. Shocked and proud. Are you still phobic about public toilets?

      Delete
  4. I am the sister that peed in our camper next to Rebecca and then tried to blame it on her. I was 16. When I was little and was in a wading pool with some friends, I announced that I had peed in the pool and all the mortified mothers grabbed their children out of the pool. I think the percentages of urine were greater in the wading pool.

    ReplyDelete

Comments make my day.