Monday, June 25, 2012

On Peeing in the Bishop's Pool

I haven't blogged since moving to Texas, so I suppose I should give an update on our life ... but instead I'm going to write about something controversial: peeing in the pool.

Backyard oasis? Or playgroup toilet?

I was with Graham at a ward play group held at the bishop's pool. My friend Molly, who is several months pregnant, said (in the pool) that she had to pee but she hated going all the way back to the house in a soaking wet swimsuit etc. etc.--we all know we hate it.

Other girl: "Just go in the pool, Molly! Come on!"

Me: (thinking--oh my heck FINALLY someone who is rational about this and not insanely grossed out about peeing in a 10,000 gallon pool that is constantly filtered and chlorinated within an inch of all our lives) "Seriously, Molly, you know how many thousands of gallons of water are in this pool? It's not that gross--"

Other girl: "... I was just kidding."

Awkward. Because I was not kidding. I've been in the ward less than two months and already revealed myself to be that mom who not only probably lets her kids pee in pools but might actually pee in them herself.

In my defense:

1) I haven't ever peed in the bishop's pool. Just to make that clear.

2) All the kiddos there in swim diapers have most likely peed in the bishop's pool. Swim diapers are only meant to contain ... solids ... to use a wonderful euphemism. Did you really think swim diapers are meant to contain liquids? A swim diaper that effective would require a lot of shrink wrap, I think. Anyway, so there is child pee in the pool--yet we all still swim comfortably. Are we just not acknowledging what we all really know, deep inside? That we are swimming in baby pee?


3) If I ever did pee in the pool ... here are some numbers to put it in perspective:

Let's be generous with our estimations and say I would pee 1 cup. And let's assume I have like-minded friends who are also peeing a cup each. So let's say 5 cups total of urine end up in the pool every day, all summer long~three months. That's roughly 450 cups of pee, or a little over 28 gallons of pee by the end of summer.

Your typical backyard swimming pool: 10,000 gallons. That makes the total pee composition .28%. That's small. That's not even three out of a thousand. And that's not even taking the pool's filtration into account.

4) Pee is mostly (95%+) water (making total non-water pee material .014% of the pool), and "typically sterile" (Wikipedia.com). Just ask Bear Grylls.


5) I do pee in the shower. It saves time and water, and google just told me that some consider it a treatment for athlete's foot. If you don't pee in the shower, or if you judge me for doing so, go get off your throne (pun intended-ha!) and roll in the dirt somewhere because you need to start desensitizing yourself away from your hygiene issues.

If you are totally pee-phobic, you should note that the new For the Strength of Youth pamphlet says nothing about needing to wear a one-piece, so you can wear your more toilet-accessible tankini without feeling like an edgy Jack Mormon. But if you are wearing a bikini then you are an edgy Jack Mormon and I judge you.