Sunday, February 19, 2012

Mother Bear in a Shark Cage

We were driving back from a cheesecake party at my Grandma's house tonight, and we passed the Utah State Prison. My thoughts went something like this ...

After watching Contagion, I'm thinking I should store my food storage someplace like this.

Oh, sad, the penitentiary. I wonder if I could go visit someone there.

Who would I visit? Some man criminal? Weird. Are there women there?

I don't think so. There must be a women's prison somewhere else.

What if the women's prison is in some dumpy little faraway town, and the she-criminal's family has to drive far to visit her? What if they can't make it that often? That would be so sad.

Maybe I should live in the same town as a women's correctional facility ... just in case, you know.

Clue: Me, in the shark cage, with a baby koala.

Then I wondered what I would ever do to get legitimately sent to prison (as opposed to being framed). I decided that one of the very few prisonable offenses I would commit without regrets is defending Graham with deadly force. Then I might be sent to prison if some lame CSI didn't collect all the evidence needed to exonerate me. But then I'd get a law degree from my cell, appeal and win my case, and then choose the actress to play me in the Hallmark channel blockbuster movie based on my life/bestselling memoir (entitled Mother Bear in a Shark Cage).

Emma Stone. Love her.
Emma Stone would be my pick to play me, not because there is any resemblance, but because I think she's an awesome actress with enough sass to pull off the gritty prison scenes. Like the one where I finally earn the trust of my boyfriend-killer/meth-dealer cellmate after defending her from a gang of she-skinheads using only an expertly-whittled crayon shank sent in my birthday package from Graham. Oscar material.

Then we drove by Thanksgiving Point, and I remembered going there with my grandma when I was little. We went to the dinosaur museum and I got a little stuffed t-rex. Love that thing.


  1. All I can say is that is the most ADHD thing that I've ever seen come from you. And I thought you were my most normal child. Wanna ride bikes?

  2. I am so......not surprised to read a post like this from one of the Hamson girls....because we are family after all and I tend to do the same thing. Although my train of thought has not led me to prison....yet.

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. My previous comment was removed because I misused 'you're' when I wanted 'your' and I couldn't live with it. What I wanted to say is that I love YOUR ramblings - they make me smile. YOU'RE such a talented writer! ^_^

  5. Yeah, this is a great post. And I love that picture of Emma Stone. I just finished reading "The Help" and I pictured her all the way through (not difficult, since the movie followed the book really well).

  6. Thanks, Jessica! Your opinion means a lot to me!

    And yes, Mom, let's go ride bikes!

  7. Is it okay to post part of this on my website basically post a hyperlink to this webpage? CageHeaven rat cage


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