Friday, January 27, 2012

I'm an Educated Woman with Presents on My Mind

If you're female, chances are you've read or heard of The Five Love Languages. If you're male, chances are some girl or your mom has gushed to you about them.

For spouses, teens, businessmen, apologies, and--coming soon--pet rocks.

If you are a marriage and family studies major, you know it's all pop psychology with no real scientific basis.

See that fancy tassel? It means I'm an expert on truth, glory, and when the Subway line in the Cougareat is shortest.

But science shmience! The idea sounds great and if it helps our relationships, who cares if it hasn't been properly validated in an unbiased study with an adequate sample size and statistically significant results?! Go ahead and sell millions of the books without something silly like evidence.

Academic snobbery aside, I think his heart is in the right place.

I acknowledge that just because it hasn't been studied doesn't mean it can't hold some truth or benefit. What I don't like is people talking about this theory like it's fact that we're all born with a love language just like we're all born with an eye color. I don't like people thinking this is the solution to all their marital problems. It oversimplifies relationships and doesn't address other vital areas--like how to communicate about your problems. I think I'll write that book: The Five Hate Languages: Whining, Passive-Aggressive Notes, Confrontation, Anger, and Telling Your Parents Too Much About Your Marriage. Automatic bestseller.

I do like the idea of each of us having one (or more) of five (such a convenient number) languages of love--it fits so nicely in a cute, sparkly little pop psychology package ($6.95 on Amazon). And the theory has been beneficial to me as well. For example, I love presents--something I would never had realized if I hadn't taken the Five Love Languages quiz last night with Nathan during our work and family life class (he's taking it through the MBA and spouses are invited).

Presents! Who would have known?

Graham loves presents, too. Nom nom nom.

Apparently (self-reportedly would be more accurate) I feel loved when I receive gifts. Gifts represent thoughtfulness, sacrifice, and love to me. A gift says, "I was thinking about you even when I wasn't with you, I know what you would love because I pay attention to you, and you're worth the sacrifice it took to get/make you this gift."

Papa Gremlin and Little Gremlin--both plotting all the presents they'll give me.

Nathan, my dear husband, finally armed with this vital information, brought me home a gift today:

Ooo! Venetian glass bead drop earrings! Love!

Now there's a sparkly package. It's almost like we both speak English.
 

3 comments:

  1. I've known for years that your love language is receiving gifts. Can you guess what mine is? And dad's? I think the key to marriage (not that I'm much good at it) is NOT giving unto others as you would have them give to you, but give unto others as ...now I'm at a loss...basically giving unto others in THEIR Love language, not yours. But my favorite POP stuff, is the color personality. I think orange is ADHD.

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  2. what if your love language is: getting a hug from someone who just gave you a gift and telling you they appreciate all you do for them....uh..dang, forgot the last one. well, you get the idea!

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