Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Somebody Call the Waaahmbulance

I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately so I'm feeling grumpy. So it's time to complain about things I can't change and that don't matter.

1. Why are Blue Bell ice cream lids so hard to open?? Don't they know I'm dying for some high-calorie delish and that the extra ten seconds it takes to open the tub makes me that much more crazy for chocolate? It's their "freshness seal," so the college-age tour guide told me while I was on the Blue Bell creamery tour last week. Bah.

2. People who are overly into The Beatles. Yes, their music is great and innovative and blah blah blah Ringo blah Abbey Road blah blah Yoko's lame blah blah blah. It takes no skill to like The Beatles. In my musical ignorance, I declare them overrated. But I like them. However, I'm equally opposed to people who are interested in a band simply because no one else is. You aren't in high school any more! Stop denying that you love Britney Spears!


3. Professing that "my baby/husband/mom/goldfish is the best in the entire world." I'm sorry, but that just isn't true. You may love/appreciate/adore them more than anyone else--but your standards probably aren't unbiased. Is Nathan the best husband for me? Yes. Is he the best husband in the world? Probably not. Sorry, but he doesn't tolerate my failure to replace the tp roll when I finish one off, and until he does, he will continue being close to but not quite the best husband ever. Instead of blasting some false superlative about your loved one onto Facebook, think of something with actual meaning. Ex. "Nathan was so sweet today. He replaced the tp roll for me when I didn't." On a related note, Graham is the cutest perfect baby ever in the world beyond my wildest dreams.

My baby rocks.

4. Our mailbox is the very last stop on our mailman's route. And he's always smoking a cigar (chewing on it, really) while he sorts the mail and he never smiles back at me.

5. This creepy thank-you note that I got from Locks of Love.

My name isn't Melanie ... I was just too lazy to get an image of my own thank you note.
It's like there's some unhealthy symbiotic relationship going on. And what's with the disembodied heads? And one of them sporting a sultry/threatening look on her face? Then there's the random heart comet ... I love the charity's mission, but I am totally weirded out by this card.

I promise I will be less grumpy tomorrow. Because the freshness seal on my Blue Bell has been broken.
 

4 comments:

  1. I always thought The Beatles were lame and overrated until I watched--gasp, I am so shallow--Beatles night on American Idol a couple of years ago. It made me realize what brilliant songwriters they were. And I don't love Brittney Spears, it is The Backstreet Boys, I love them yeah, yeah, yeah.
    auntie

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  2. I totally agree with you about the card. That is the weirdest thank you I've ever seen. Maybe we should donate a graphic artist to Locks of Love?

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  3. Did you attend the tour for the express purpose of pestering the guide about the freshness seal?

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  4. Dad and I once judged a cool invention fair and the BEST invention was the ice cream tub that had a couple of perforated lines a couple of inches from the top, then another couple inches from the top, so that when you dug into the ice cream the second and third night, you didn't cover your hands in ice cream. (not that ice cream lasts that long around here.)
    And I DO have the best toilet paper dispenser ever.
    And I am hoping that the priest who blesses the sacrament that has way way too long hair is doing it for Locks of Love...

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