Sunday, June 12, 2011

Mom Report Card

Today Graham is four months old! That's one third of a year! I can hardly believe my little Teddy Graham is a semester old.

Seeing as how I'm no longer enrolled in any educational institution, I'm lacking qualitative external validation of my work. Nathan is very sweet and praises my mothering and homemaking skills more than I deserve, but I long for the hard reality of a letter grade. I know that the only people I'm really accountable to in any way that matters are God, Nathan, and Graham--but it's not like they're giving me an objective report card ... at least not one I can access right now (crossing my fingers that the Mayans were right about December 21, 2012--I need a new rapture to look forward to!).

So as I'm also accountable to myself, I'll give myself an evaluation of my first semester as a stay-at-home/homemaker extraordinaire.

Graham 101: A. Let's start things off positively. I'm a pretty awesome mom. Nine months of pregnancy, twelve hours of labor with no epidural (self-inflicted, if only so I could brag about it in this post), followed by four months of never sleeping longer than a four-hour stretch=true love. Nathan pointed out that Graham is the perfect example of outsourcing. He is my wealthy pampered American executive, I his unintelligible, underpaid employee from Mumbai. I want the job, I've got to keep it, so I do it as well as I can. And if Graham is my final project (still in progress as he is), I've got to give that little cutie an A.

Cooking 302: B. Before the pestilence that was morning sickness, I was cooking up a 50% vegetarian storm. Kale, quinoa, lentils, green smoothies ... it was awesome. I felt light and healthy and my taste for sugary foods was diminishing. Then I got pregnant and hated almost all vegetables. Now that I'm free of the death grip of morning sickness, though, I really need to get back to making healthier meals. I've started the transition (we had honey lentil stew tonight!), but have you ever heard of Blue Bell ice cream? It's the black widow of ice creams. I love it, but it's killing me slowly, softly, drowning me in creamy bliss and a multitude of flavors and an abundance of mix-ins. I feel like King Noah, except I'm an ice cream-bibber and I have no awesome jaguars.

Cleaning 237r: C+. Nathan, sweet man, does the dishes most of the time. I do laundry. This is all I care to address at the moment. If I entered personal grooming into this equation, I might be bumped up to B-, maybe.

Hotness Preservation and Recovery 102: B-. The body-sculpting abilities of breastfeeding=mythology. Also, it's pretty hard to feel motivated to exercise when you live in Hades. And did I mention this stuff they have here, Blue Bell ice cream? So I've ventured into that shame-ridden land of the workout DVD. Graham laughs at me while I jump jacks and lift my water bottle dumbbells, but guess what? Jillian Michaels has successfully given me a really sore neck and a post-appreciation for the abs I once had because "they don't come for free, people." When she says, "Look at those abs," (points to her exercise stooge's washboard), "I would do just about anything to get those," I always think, "Really, Jillian? Just about anything?" And I imagine her robbing banks and selling her grandmother just to get some tonage.

Love the Farrahair, Jillian.

Book of Mormon 102 (for stay-at-home moms): C+. Before my little bundle of distraction was born, I was getting a half hour of studying in almost every day, and loving it. Now, it's a lot harder to get an uninterrupted half hour to really study the scriptures. Even when Graham's napping, I feel like I have a hundred things to try and get done. But reading the scriptures really should be one of my top priorities, and I am determined to do better. I was flipping through my scripture journal the other day, amazed at all the insights I had been gleaning from the scriptures while I was studying them more diligently, and I thought, "Wow, I miss that girl who was learning so much every day from the Book of Mormon and feeling so alive in the gospel." Yes, being a mom is hard and time-consuming work, but Graham deserves a mom who studies and knows the scriptures more than he wants a spotless kitchen floor.

Mental Prowess Maintenance 101: A-. All the books I've read since Graham has been born have been about babies. That is an important subject at the moment, but I feel the need to diversify. Museums and other cultural excursions around Houston have been great, and I'm really liking the mental exercise writing a daily blog post provides. I listen to NPR which I'm hoping will help Graham develop a British accent, and I read the news online everyday, but I want to read some good books and feel more mentally challenged. I'm making a trip to the library this week, and I'm so excited! Any suggestions?

Mmm, the chocolate chip cookie of rooms I want in my house someday.

Well, I've given myself a not-so-hot GPA, but I'm excited to improve.


  1. Welcome to Motherhood! And just when you have it mostly figured out (at least the "how to get anything done when you have a baby in the house"), you have ANOTHER one! That's when it gets interesting, and the third, well, that explains the 6 years between Robbi and Nick...

  2. Dude, have you read The Book Thief yet?? That is my suggestion for your library trip. And listening to the Book of Mormon on CD has done two things for me. 1) helped me get in my 30 minutes every day and 2) helped me get my dishes done and kitchen clean. and for you 3) help Grammy memorize his scripture mastery scriptures before he becomes a Sunbeam! And don't be ashamed of exercise DVDs Kathy Smith Fat Burning Aerobics got me into great shape after Terisa's hideous pregnancy, so awesome looking as a matter of fact that Terisa and Jenna are the two children closest together.....tread carefully with the exercise my dear.

  3. I loved this post, it's totally how I felt the first... well, I was going to say year, but I've just become complacent I guess. My favorite part was "I listen to NPR which I'm hoping will help Graham develop a British accent"

  4. Hilarious. It's good to read some of your writing again.

  5. Blue Bell is terrible, awful, no good, very bad, and is perhaps the most DELICIOUSLY EVIL POISON to exist. I support you in your endeavors.

  6. Yeah, I laughed out loud at the NPR bit. Oh, Kim, I love you and you are so funny. I think you are trying harder than most moms I know. Have fun with telegraham and we can't wait for you guys to be back in Provo!

  7. speaking of black widows, I have one that is on a hunger strike or she is just stupid, any suggestions on force feedig a black widow?

  8. Hey, Kim!! Reading your blog brought back memories but I never got 4 hours uninterrupted sleep for....well, I don't remember! I kept thinking...this is ONE baby...wait until there are 2 or 3 or .....! Keep your sense of humor...when all else fails, laugh, or at least giggle, or at least smile! Enjoy the moment...time flies all too quickly!
    Grandma Sticky Lumpy Buns.....


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