Wednesday, June 15, 2011

The Albrechtsen Abode

I got a Pottery Barn catalog in the mail a few days ago, and that magazine has been wreaking havoc on the self-esteem of my furniture. I tried to tell them that all the sofas in the magazine had been air-brushed, but to no avail.

One day I'll be able to afford oversized shellacked pretzels to put on my cocoa table.
Me: Ooh, Pottery Barn. Look at this couch! (Imagining the day when we're rich and famous and lounging on matching furniture with coordinating pillow sets. Graham will be playing quietly on an alpaca wool rug atop our real hardwood floor.)

Loveseat: I want to be reupholstered! My fabric is fading, my foam interior sagging, and I just know you're about to send me to DI! (tears)

Kitchen Set: I need a chair augmentation! (only two chairs remain of the original set of four)

Nathan's leather office chair, the black rhino in my living room: Whatever. (puffs himself up to take up even more room)


So, in an attempt to avoid the cost of cosmetic surgery and therapy for my furniture, I decided to spruce up the apartment for a photo shoot. Also, my dear sister Katie requested a tour of our new apartment.

We begin.

The Albrechtsen Palace
The kitchen
This is where I whip up all the soufflés I make. Note that the lack of storage space necessitates a more functional decor atop my cupboards, whose clean white surfaces make this space feel as light and airy as a meringue.

Our memo board and calendar

Nathan was a peach and bought these dry-erase stickers for me for my birthday. If you look closely (click on the picture to enlarge) you can see how "Pottery Barn" we are.

Living and play room
This is where Graham explores the physics of the pendulum, the reflective abilities of the mirror, and the taste of flannel. (awesome blanket made by my best friend, the beautiful Stephanie, everything else is not Pottery Barn)

Baby cleavage

See that little pink spot on Graham's cheek? It was inflicted by that hypodermic villain, the mosquito. I woke up with ten bites this morning. Ten! One on my eyelid!! I looked like Quasimodo. The human eyelid is about 1.5mm thick. The proboscis of a mosquito? 2.5-3.5mm thick. I could have woken up blind. But I'm more upset about my Graham getting bit. So I've been on a mosquito-killing rampage all day. Back to the tour.

More living room
Trying so hard
One of the ladies I visit teach has an awesome job. She works on the window and store displays of department stores like Nordstrom's and Macy's. When I went to her home for the first time last month, I was amazed at how cool her apartment looked. The coolest thing? On her sofa she had a beautiful blanket arranged like this (I was afraid to sit down and ruin it), but much more neatly and without a geometric patterned blanket that ruins the effect. I wish I could do it justice, especially for this Pottery Barn-inspired post, but alas I don't have the delicate touch necessary to sculpt fabric.

Dining room slash Nathan's study
 Rug by Target, a birthday present from Nathan! Dining set by garage sale (vintage (used) Ikea!).

The master suite
Our bedroom. See the "A" our maid left on the bed by combing the microfibers just so? That's quite possibly the coolest thing I've she's ever done. Bed by Wymount laundry room memo board. Mirror and dresser by Kim's parents (who got it from a model home years ago and found a scandalous surprise in one of the drawers when they got it home). Nightstand from Ikea, a generous gift from my Mom!

The nurturing nook
This is where I wrangle Graham into peaceful slumber. That's my mom's old glider! Picture a wedding gift from my sister Katie and her hubby, Louis. Ottoman by Target. Dresser by DI. Cupboard hutch thingy courtesy of my sister-in-law's husband's ex-wife's grandmother.

The nursery slash closet
Who knows, maybe this will help Graham get accepted to Hogwarts. Bassinet/co-sleeper a generous gift from my Mom and Granny!

Master bath
Guest bath
This is where I find mosquitoes in the morning-on my towel and in the shower!

View from the balcony
You might not be able to tell in the picture, but the tall building to the left of the ugly beige one has a gigantic cross on the side of it, which lights up at night. One time I was lost in downtown Houston, but then I saw the neon cross in all it's glory, and I was able to navigate my way home. Now that we have a GPS, though, I'm more pagan in my navigation.

Me looking sophisticated
I hope you've enjoyed the tour of our estate. The furniture has loved all the attention and there has been no more mention of micro-suede envy. Come visit us anytime, but be sure to call and let us know you're coming because we live in an exclusive gated community (read: locked entrances and parking garages to keep out vagabonds and gangsters).

Graham watching 30 Rock. Just kidding, he was watching the GOP debate.

9 comments:

  1. katie the envious, but not really :)June 15, 2011 at 4:29 PM

    ha ha, this post made me laugh out loud, which I will spell out in its entirety. Thanks for the tour!

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  2. It's hard to be sophisticated wearing an orange t-shirt and blue polka dotted capris!
    Alas, you WERE raised by me!

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  3. Oh you are funny. I love your blog. Because I like you and I like laughing.

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  4. Lol this made Elijah and I laugh. I love the picture of Graham watching t.v. He looks so intellectual and politically informed. Also I am traumatized that your baby lives in a closet...

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  5. Lovely! Thanks for the tour! The monogrammed bedspread was so elegant!

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  6. Bryan will be so happy about the closet thing... I said it was wrong to put a baby in the closet but he said it wasn't. Three against one.

    Realistically, he probably loves having so many things to look at in a room that's not big and scary.

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  7. Reading out of order here, but again—you are hilarious and every word makes me miss you tons.

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  8. I'm lurking you!

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